Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Did I really Sign up for This

Well, I'll be getting a really good taste of being "in the Army Now". Not as a Soldier, but rather as a Soldier's Wife. I'm ex-military myself and an Army brat to boot, but now I feel the heavy weight of responsiblilty more than ever as a Army Wife.

I know what the drill is, but dealing with it is still not a easy thing to wrap the mind around. Before I was just the girlfriend. We went through his last deployment ok, it was hard, but on this one, my responsibilities just quadrupled. Now I'm in the Army as well, and if your're a spouse, don't kid yourself. You just as good as signed up for service yourself.

2007 came like a flash, and now I must get used to the fact that my new husband is heading back over to the sandbox for yet ANOTHER year deployment. There are a lot of things to take care of before hand, and if I know the Army not near enough time together before he leaves. I try to imagine how it will be this time and if things will really be all that different. I need to familiarize myself with the base and all the services available to me there. I'll need to handle all the bills and a new mortage while he is gone. And to top it off, I really don't know many folks here.

My heart breaks some days knowing I have to give him up for another year.....and I ask myself all the time....Did I really sign up for this. I must have had a momentary lack of sanity when I did. CNN has become my favorite channel as I watch the news from Iraq and try to gauge how safe my love will be. Knowing full well that I really am not doing anything but finding more things to worry about.

I've taken to haunting and spousebuzz and reading everything I can get my hands on so that I can learn about this new life of mine. Things have changed a great deal since my father and I were in the service, and there is really so much more to learn about as far as services and I'm busy doing research and trying not to think of that day when I'll stand there and watch him walk out of my life for another year. I'll try to be brave and not cry and throw petty crap at him as I know he has to prepare himself as well.

All that put aside, I know deep down in my heart that yes I did sign up for this and I hope that I'll be able to live up to all the new expectations that are required. That I can make my soldier as proud of me as I am of him. And I also know that he's the love of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well, there goes my opening ramblings. So welcome to my world...that of a Proud Army Wife

Laura Roberts